The small things really do count...

The gift of affirmation

The last few days have been amazing. Applying the principles of loving your wife and affirming her takes effort but its our call as husbands. We watched "Fireproof" as a family yesterday and its amazing how on point that movie is. The man demands respect and the woman demands the man putting her first and showing her just that by his actions. The movie makes me realize that all marriages have the tendency to navigate toward the same place due to our man vs. woman nature. Sometimes we see relationships that end up in a really bad place and don't realize that our own relationships can end up at the same place. If we don't continue to pour into the cup of or marriage our sins will inevitably make holes at the bottom of the cup and the life of our marriage will seep out. I hope that I can continue to love my wife in such a way that my love overshadows my failures.

She's "just right" for me...

Genesis 2:12 "Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."


God then made all the animals. But He saw that they were not "just right" for Adam.


Genesis 2:21--24: "So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. 'Atlast!' the man exclaimed. 'This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh. She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'' This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."


The process of leaving and cleaving. Man, is that the hardest. During post-marital counseling, this had been one of the most important facts that I have been told to remember during these first two years of marriage.There have been so many things about myself that I have had to "leave" in order for me to "cleave" to my wife and become one with her. Leaving is painful. There are so many things that I have had to try really hard to leave in my past. Inappropriate relationships, selfish thoughts or actions, prioritizing mother and father (extended family), etc. These are things that are just so difficult to leave because whether they are right or wrong, they have been part of my life for 95% of the time. But there is a reason why God decided to put this passage literally in the forefront of the Bible. Marriage is the foundation of humanity. And in order to have a successful marriage, we must let go of our past and our selfishness and cling to the new (our wives). What sucks, is that she too has to do the same thing--making the process twice as hard. But its worth it.


What I get from this passage is that even though this process is probably the hardest process I have experienced in my life, and it may seem at times that it's too much to handle...my wife is "just right for me." God has ordained us to be together and there is a reason why she is in my life and a reason why we both made a commitment before God to honor and to love each other for the rest of our lives--in sickness and in health! Carla is just right for me because God chose her for me! What an awesome reality.


How will I make sure that she knows that she is right for me? I'm guessing: affirmation...my focus during this time.


"God help me in this journey as I grow to show Carla the she is just right for me. Amen"

Crosswalk Article

I found the following article online:
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Do you know what can happen if you don’t encourage your mate? Wives: If your husband doesn’t hear you cheering him on, he’ll feel continually discouraged and defeated – and then he’ll seek the applause somewhere else. Husbands: If you don’t appreciate and encourage your wife, she will turn elsewhere to get her needs met. If encouragement isn’t a steady part of your wife’s diet, she’s starving for it.

-- A woman has a larger than life need for her husband to whisper, declare, and shout to the world that she is the most important person in his life.

-- It’s not enough to appreciate your wife – you have to tell her!

-- Understanding your wife’s personality and character will help you tailor encouragement specifically to her.

So what does encouragement look like for your spouse? It’s different for every person, but generally husbands and wives see encouragement differently. If you want to grow in your ability to encourage your spouse, practice several of these suggestions

How to Encourage your Wife

Understand her wiring. The next time you see two women talking, watch them and listen to them. Notice how connected they sound. For a woman, this kind of connected conversation acts as a stress reliever and even a kind of therapeutic release. While your wife’s friends are important to her, it is absolutely vital that your wife gets this kind of support from you – her husband and best friend. At the end of a long day she wants to be able to share her feelings with you. She’s not looking for solutions. She wants to share her intimate thoughts so that her burdens can be lifted and her emotional ties to you strengthened.

Give her first place. When your wife isn’t first place in your life, she feels overlooked and unimportant. Sometimes what you give first place to may seem so important that you don’t even recognize what you’re doing. It doesn’t matter how you justify it, nothing is more important than your wife or your family. Would you ever think of starving your wife of the food she needs to sustain her physical body? No! But you could be starving her of the very encouragement she needs to survive.

Point out her potential. Affirm the truth about your wife’s abilities. We see with human eyes, of course, but all of us can remind each other of our God-given potential. Do this for your wife. Focus on her strengths, not her weaknesses. Try to see her the way Jesus would see her.

Appreciate her contribution. Take advantage of moments to brag about your wife. In both private and public ways, you need to let your wife know how much she is appreciated. Nothing will encourage your wife more than for you to recognize her sacrifices and affirm her love and devotion to your family. Praise your wife for who she is.

We want to challenge you to find out what encourages your mate – whether it’s a kiss and hug at the end of the day, a word of appreciation when they’ve done something well, or just a note that says ‘I love you.’ Then take what you learn and encourage your spouse frequently, positively and authentically. Your mate needs to hear the voice of God leading and sustaining him or her and your mate also needs to hear you encouraging and believing in him or her!

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/what-kind-of-encouragement-does-your-spouse-need-11577932.html

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All of this sounds so simple, but it takes so much effort. I pray that I can take these tips and apply them to my marriage. What I have to realize today, is that it is hard to get out a a difficult spot in the marriage, if these encouraging traits have not been exhibited in the marriage for a long period of time. The things I underlined above are definitely the things that I have to work on as a husband. Although, I think that I appreciate Carla and think she's the most awesome woman in the world, I lack in my ability of showing her that. And since I have lacked that for so long, it's going to take time for her to trust that my encouraging attitude will last more than three days after a fight. 

"Lord help me as I walk this journey. I thank you that I am not alone, and that you have placed godly men around me to support me as I walk the most challenging road in my life: becoming one with my wife."

Eph 5:25

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Eph 5:25


This needs to be my anthem. "Love Carla as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." We are not easy to love. I know I'm not easy to love, yet Christ gave himself up for me. I know I don't deserve it. I know I have ALL of my imperfections, yet Christ didn't have to think twice to take my place on the cross. God's will was done. I pray that I can be more like Christ in my marriage. I'll make mistakes and Carla will make mistakes, but I need to focus on forgiving and most importantly loving. Love is what it is all about. I need more and more of Christ, because sometimes, the strength to love can only come  from Him.